Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

lucifers-ass-cheek:

posts that are only funny because of the fucked up comments part 1

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

itsmemorized:

Oh my GOD
My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes “like a cheaply made castle” and we were like what and he goes “no ballroom”
GRANDPA NO

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
fog-of-lost-souls:

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE BUBBLES OR A DANDELION OR SOMETHING

fog-of-lost-souls:

I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE BUBBLES OR A DANDELION OR SOMETHING

(Source: glorfindely)

Posted 2 days ago

naamahdarling:

hauntedsticks:

freckledtrekkie:

becausesometimesdreamsdocometrue:

disney-tasthic:

gastalicious-definition:

disney-tasthic:

globalsoftpirka:

disney-tasthic:

thedisneydifference:

Mulan loved my Mulan pen!

She said, “I love things that have my face on it.”

Wow, Mulan, conceited much ;). Seems like you may have been spending some time with Gaston!

NOOOOOO OOOOOONE
SHOOTS LIKE MULAN

WEARS MEN’S SUITS LIKE MULAN!

THINKS FAST AND KICKS ASS ON A ROOF LIKE MULAN

MULAN: “I USE AVALANCHES IN ALL OF MY BATTLE SCHEMIIIING!”

NOT QUITE A GUY, THAT MULAN!

WHEN I WAS A GIRL I DRANK 3 CUPS OF TEA
EVERY MORNING TO HELP ME GROW STRONG

NOW I’VE GROWN UP I DRINK FIVE CUPS OF TEA
AND I DEFEATED THE KING OF THE HUUUUUUUNS

This is the best thing ever.

Posted 2 days ago

pansoph:

pansoph:

i went to a party and put 3 whole loaves of sliced bread all around the house i put bread under the kid’s pillow and in all 3 of his bathrooms, in his rugby shorts and the breast pocket of his school shirt, on his roof and his neighbor’s roof, in his couch and on his tv i’m laughing so hard he’s going to wake up hungover tomorrow and be like why the fuck is there bread everywhere 

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i’m pissing myself

Posted 2 days ago

If you command me to do something that I was already planning on doing the chances of me doing that thing automatically drop to zero

(Source: brobecks)

Posted 2 days ago

feferiden:

gingerhaze:

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This is the realest shit

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago

squeakyfoam:

fuck you I hate you

(Source: hildergan)

Posted 2 days ago

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course:

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

(Source: kimkangaskhan)